Transformation to Parenthood
Another month has passed very quickly. I can hardly believe I'm six months pregnant! My whole pregnancy has kind of flown by and before I know it, little Tucker will be in our arms. :) I've been looking back through my belly pics and have to laugh because at 9 weeks I felt like I was showing already. Now, I when I look at those early pictures I can't believe I was still so small! I'm starting to feel huge and wonder how I'm going to get any bigger! I'm not sure where he is going to go, my belly is so big already it seems. I know that by the time I'm ready to have him, I'll look back at these weekly pictures and think I was small too. On top of feeling very round, I'm starting to waddle. It's not really that I'm so big that I can't walk straight, its just that everything is so stretched and sore, it hurts to not waddle. Tony has nic-named me "Waddles McGee" now. Lovely. He also has started to help push me up from the couch and out of the car when we go places. I'm sure it's a funny sight. Thankfully Tony has continued to be the best helper I could ask for. He cooks, cleans, listens when I talk non-stop about everything, takes me shopping when I need to go so I don't have to stress from driving in this crazy town, and holds me when I cry over getting tired too early on a Friday night. I truly couldn't ask for a better partner through all this. <3
Just a couple weeks ago I was able to fly home to Boise to see my family and friends and to also have my baby shower. I was soo excited to get back home and see everyone! But let me just say, flying, or any kind of traveling while pregnant, is AWFUL. I normally love to fly and have a very easy time traveling but flying across the country by myself was not an easy task this time. Between delayed flights, HOT loading and unloading of planes, trying to beat someone to the bathroom to go pee, and sitting in one tiny, confined spot for hours on end, I was beat when I landed. I probably won't fly again while pregnant if I have the choice, nor do I recommend it to anyone thinking about doing it. Even though it wasn't fun, I am glad I did it because I had such a great time in Boise. Going home always makes me miss it so much more when I have to come back, but it was just nice to get back and enjoy the many things I love about Boise. I was also able to spend a lot of time with my mom and Tucker's soon to be Grandma! There's just something about being pregnant and hanging with your mom that makes your bond even stronger. All those annoying times when she used to say "you'll understand when you're a parent" are starting to make sense as much as I hate to admit it, but it's a good thing. I think she now feels a little more appreciated that I understand why she did the things she did. I only wish it were easier to spend more time together, but I cherished the time we had. She also threw me an AMAZING Tiffany themed baby shower. Seriously, this woman could not have done any better. My sister had a huge hand in making it all happen as well. Tears were shed throughout the time as we enjoyed the very small group of people that were able to make it. <3 The rest of my time in Boise was spent shopping and hanging out with the people I love most. It never fails, my lifetime friends always can pick right back up where we left off whenever we get together. Saying goodbye this time was especially hard for me. Not only am I pregnant and super emotional, but I was so sad that I wasn't sure when I'd be able to see everyone again. The saying "it's not goodbye, it's see you soon" never felt more false. Now that Tucker is on the way, I don't know how or when I'll be able to travel cross country again, nor do I know that everyone will still be in Boise! A lot of my friends and even my sister have moved away and it's just not going to be easy to see them. It makes me sad even now when I think about how Tucker won't be able to know these wonderful people as much as I really want him to. :( But maybe one day we'll get back on the western side of the US, you never know.
Becoming a parent is life changing. Obviously. I think everyone knows that, but life has started to change in ways that I never expected, in good and...unexpected ways. It's truly rewarding growing a little family of our own and planning for the new amazing things yet to come. But in the midst of all the wonder and amazement, a chapter of my former life is closing and therefore I have to say goodbye to parts of you that I don't really want to. Selfish shopping sprees, day cocktails, spur of the moment vacations, and friendly get-togethers begin to fade away and are replaced by budgeting, menu planning,and weekends spent at home. Not that these are bad things of course, but life does have a way of nudging you out of the "non-parent" lifestyle. Over nine months I've begun to transform into the incredible role of a parent without even realizing it. It's funny to me that I didn't realize it sooner, because I am a complete control freak and would think I'd have already made a plan for everything, but I even noticed little pieces of myself beginning to fade. Selfishness being replaced with total focus on the little one who has yet to come. One of the tough decisions I had to make was whether or not to got back to work after having the baby. First there's the money: would we be able to afford it? Second there's childcare costs: are they worth paying for and what kind of care could I trust? And third: will I be able to be away from my baby for 40 hours a week?? Tony will tell you I've gone back and forth so many times his head started to spin. But after much debate with myself, going back to work is what I'll do. Not because we NEED the money desperately,there are plenty of people who stay at home and do just fine on strict budget. Nor is it because daycare costs or centers are outrageous. (even though I was pretty sure I wouldn't find a daycare I liked in Panama City, I found a great one. :) ) It boiled down to the fact that even although I'm becoming a mom, that doesn't mean that was all I had to be. As much as I admire stay at home mom's, it just isn't me. Or at least I don't think so now, that could change in flash I'm sure. My mom was a stay at home mom and I loved it. She did so many things with my sister and I that I could never have done if she had worked. But for me, I feel like I've worked so hard to achieve what I have and to get where I am in my job and my experience that I would be disappointed in myself for not continuing to do so. Moms who work are also to be admired. And it doesn't mean they love their children any less, or don't spend as much quality time with them either. Everyone is different and everyone has different goals and priorities. It's hard to make a decision for yourself when you see the glamor of a lifestyle on Facebook or scroll through Pins on Pinterest that are specifically for stay at home moms/working moms, or even getting caught up in what everyone else is doing; "all my friends work/stay at home so I will too". I'm sure this will set me apart even more than I already am and will probably make it even more difficult than it already is to meet friends with similar interests in this small town. The constant battle of trying to connect and have friendships continues even now after almost two years of being here. I thought surely after this long I'd have a sturdy group of people I could count on. But just as life changes, so do relationships. My parents told me when I was a teenager that one day, I wouldn't have many friends and I would rather spend time with my husband and family. At the time I thought no way, I'll always have friends to go hang out with. Surprisingly, I'm beginning to understand why that's true. Your family will always be there to love you, support you, and to have fun with. Now that we're growing our little family, I can see many days of all those things in our future.
The transformation to parenthood is yet another chapter in my life that I'm sure I'll look back on and laugh at myself for the worries I have and the unnecessary plans that I'm making. But just like every other life changing road that I've been on, the bumps teach me valuable lessons that maybe one day I'll be able to teach my own children. Even though my days are already focused on this other amazing life we're bringing into the world, I believe it's important not to lose myself completely in it. Just like relationships where one person lives completely for the other, one day they wake up wondering "what happened to ME?" Being a parent doesn't have to mean giving up yourself completely. And that may sound selfish and maybe a little ignorant, but if you think about it, your kids are going to love you and want you to enjoy your life as well. And you'll be able to continue to teach them new things, because you are continuing to learn as well. At least that's what I think for now...experience has a way of crushing my theories. ;) Hopefully little Tucker will enjoy having me for a mother and have a wonderful happy life. That's all I can strive for. I have a feeling that this little one is going to teach me more about life than I ever imagined could come from a tiny human. <3
Just a couple weeks ago I was able to fly home to Boise to see my family and friends and to also have my baby shower. I was soo excited to get back home and see everyone! But let me just say, flying, or any kind of traveling while pregnant, is AWFUL. I normally love to fly and have a very easy time traveling but flying across the country by myself was not an easy task this time. Between delayed flights, HOT loading and unloading of planes, trying to beat someone to the bathroom to go pee, and sitting in one tiny, confined spot for hours on end, I was beat when I landed. I probably won't fly again while pregnant if I have the choice, nor do I recommend it to anyone thinking about doing it. Even though it wasn't fun, I am glad I did it because I had such a great time in Boise. Going home always makes me miss it so much more when I have to come back, but it was just nice to get back and enjoy the many things I love about Boise. I was also able to spend a lot of time with my mom and Tucker's soon to be Grandma! There's just something about being pregnant and hanging with your mom that makes your bond even stronger. All those annoying times when she used to say "you'll understand when you're a parent" are starting to make sense as much as I hate to admit it, but it's a good thing. I think she now feels a little more appreciated that I understand why she did the things she did. I only wish it were easier to spend more time together, but I cherished the time we had. She also threw me an AMAZING Tiffany themed baby shower. Seriously, this woman could not have done any better. My sister had a huge hand in making it all happen as well. Tears were shed throughout the time as we enjoyed the very small group of people that were able to make it. <3 The rest of my time in Boise was spent shopping and hanging out with the people I love most. It never fails, my lifetime friends always can pick right back up where we left off whenever we get together. Saying goodbye this time was especially hard for me. Not only am I pregnant and super emotional, but I was so sad that I wasn't sure when I'd be able to see everyone again. The saying "it's not goodbye, it's see you soon" never felt more false. Now that Tucker is on the way, I don't know how or when I'll be able to travel cross country again, nor do I know that everyone will still be in Boise! A lot of my friends and even my sister have moved away and it's just not going to be easy to see them. It makes me sad even now when I think about how Tucker won't be able to know these wonderful people as much as I really want him to. :( But maybe one day we'll get back on the western side of the US, you never know.
Becoming a parent is life changing. Obviously. I think everyone knows that, but life has started to change in ways that I never expected, in good and...unexpected ways. It's truly rewarding growing a little family of our own and planning for the new amazing things yet to come. But in the midst of all the wonder and amazement, a chapter of my former life is closing and therefore I have to say goodbye to parts of you that I don't really want to. Selfish shopping sprees, day cocktails, spur of the moment vacations, and friendly get-togethers begin to fade away and are replaced by budgeting, menu planning,and weekends spent at home. Not that these are bad things of course, but life does have a way of nudging you out of the "non-parent" lifestyle. Over nine months I've begun to transform into the incredible role of a parent without even realizing it. It's funny to me that I didn't realize it sooner, because I am a complete control freak and would think I'd have already made a plan for everything, but I even noticed little pieces of myself beginning to fade. Selfishness being replaced with total focus on the little one who has yet to come. One of the tough decisions I had to make was whether or not to got back to work after having the baby. First there's the money: would we be able to afford it? Second there's childcare costs: are they worth paying for and what kind of care could I trust? And third: will I be able to be away from my baby for 40 hours a week?? Tony will tell you I've gone back and forth so many times his head started to spin. But after much debate with myself, going back to work is what I'll do. Not because we NEED the money desperately,there are plenty of people who stay at home and do just fine on strict budget. Nor is it because daycare costs or centers are outrageous. (even though I was pretty sure I wouldn't find a daycare I liked in Panama City, I found a great one. :) ) It boiled down to the fact that even although I'm becoming a mom, that doesn't mean that was all I had to be. As much as I admire stay at home mom's, it just isn't me. Or at least I don't think so now, that could change in flash I'm sure. My mom was a stay at home mom and I loved it. She did so many things with my sister and I that I could never have done if she had worked. But for me, I feel like I've worked so hard to achieve what I have and to get where I am in my job and my experience that I would be disappointed in myself for not continuing to do so. Moms who work are also to be admired. And it doesn't mean they love their children any less, or don't spend as much quality time with them either. Everyone is different and everyone has different goals and priorities. It's hard to make a decision for yourself when you see the glamor of a lifestyle on Facebook or scroll through Pins on Pinterest that are specifically for stay at home moms/working moms, or even getting caught up in what everyone else is doing; "all my friends work/stay at home so I will too". I'm sure this will set me apart even more than I already am and will probably make it even more difficult than it already is to meet friends with similar interests in this small town. The constant battle of trying to connect and have friendships continues even now after almost two years of being here. I thought surely after this long I'd have a sturdy group of people I could count on. But just as life changes, so do relationships. My parents told me when I was a teenager that one day, I wouldn't have many friends and I would rather spend time with my husband and family. At the time I thought no way, I'll always have friends to go hang out with. Surprisingly, I'm beginning to understand why that's true. Your family will always be there to love you, support you, and to have fun with. Now that we're growing our little family, I can see many days of all those things in our future.
The transformation to parenthood is yet another chapter in my life that I'm sure I'll look back on and laugh at myself for the worries I have and the unnecessary plans that I'm making. But just like every other life changing road that I've been on, the bumps teach me valuable lessons that maybe one day I'll be able to teach my own children. Even though my days are already focused on this other amazing life we're bringing into the world, I believe it's important not to lose myself completely in it. Just like relationships where one person lives completely for the other, one day they wake up wondering "what happened to ME?" Being a parent doesn't have to mean giving up yourself completely. And that may sound selfish and maybe a little ignorant, but if you think about it, your kids are going to love you and want you to enjoy your life as well. And you'll be able to continue to teach them new things, because you are continuing to learn as well. At least that's what I think for now...experience has a way of crushing my theories. ;) Hopefully little Tucker will enjoy having me for a mother and have a wonderful happy life. That's all I can strive for. I have a feeling that this little one is going to teach me more about life than I ever imagined could come from a tiny human. <3
Quote for the day:
"There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one"
I just typed this whole thing and it got deleted. BUT this was beautifully said and none of it sounded selfish. You both are going to be amazing parents and Tucker is very lucky to have you both because yes you will make mistakes (no parent is perfect ;) but he will have two parents that will always love him unconditionally.
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